I’m not sure what to write but I feel like writing something.
Things are strange at the moment. I shift back and forth between being a university student, completing assessment, coping, chatting over coffee - to being a recluse outcast wanting nothing more than to curl up under covers away from noise and food and life and disappear. There is ‘me’ and there is ‘her’ and I do not know most of the time which is which…nobody understands that.
Black and white. Stark. Day and night. Bleak. Life and death.
Today has not been horrible. It was ‘a day in the life of a uni student’ - staring at a computer screen forcing words out into the form of another assignment…grazing the kitchen as an excuse to get away from the computer…
Now I am alone again. I do not know what I want most; to fight to remain in the light and forge some sort of life, or to give up and fade away into darkness where no spotlight can put pressure on me.
It scares me, not knowing.
For now I’ll continue shape-shifting and dashing in and out of life as the wind blows the curtains, casting flickering spots of light and dark.