Depression makes you selfish. It’s very hard to think of other people when you’re wrapped in a prickly blanket of unexplained, unwanted emotions.
Unknown (via zubat)
Stuck In Bed
So my therapist doesn’t think I’m really motivated to change. ‘Wanting to recover and actually recovering are two very different things,’ she says, ‘It’s like if someone said they want to get fit but they don’t get up out of bed. You’re still in bed and I’m not convinced you want to get out.’
Ok. So I don’t know what I want. I. Don’t. Know. I want to recover and just saying that out loud is a step from where I once was…I have been trying to recover, ‘this isn’t about depression or anorexia,’ she says, ‘this is about your life and what is keeping you from actively setting and then pursuing goals.’
THOSE DAYS WHEN YOU ONLY BLOG BLACK AND WHITE POSTS BECAUSE YOU CANNOT RELATE TO COLOUR.
"No Calories, No Problems, Right?" WRONG!
Saw a post reading: “No Calories, No Problems, right!?”
No Calories = Physical Illness and Mental Illness…No calories = constipation, bloating, cramps, dizziness, blackouts, hair-loss, rotting teeth, hollow bones, dry skin…death. No Calories = depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive routines, suicidal thoughts, self harm, paranoia, psychosis…death.
Eating Disorders are Mental Illnesses, NOT Diets. Starving yourself will not make you happy, it will do the opposite.
Love Your Body. Be Healthy.
HEALTH = HAPPINESS
A Pro-Ana blog just liked my post about relapsing into eating disordered behaviors. Not cool.
Shout out: thin girls (with the anorexic bodies your promoting) are not the happiest girls. Your promoting a mental illness, something thats not chosen OR PROMOTED.
Anorexia is not a diet.
Turn Around Now.
I wish I could go back to before I ever had an eating disorder; I wish I’d never been sucked into the black hole that is anorexia. Seven years of my life have taken a route I’d never intended or imagined. I am 26 and by now I’d always assumed I’d have a degree from university and a full time job and money in the bank and maybe even be starting to plan for a family. Instead I have no completed degree, live paycheck to paycheck on government money and have been hospitalised for my eating disorder and/or depression more than ten times in four different hospitals. Not something to be proud of.
I look back and see a trail of self-destruction. I know I shouldn’t have regrets and everything happens for a reason blah blah blah…but I really wish I’d turned around when the red lights started flashing warning me I was heading in the wrong direction.
If you’re thinking about losing weight in order to find happiness and self-esteem and ‘perfection’ - turn around now. Weight loss does not bring perfection; and anorexia is Hell, not Heaven. I’m trying to be positive about recovery now, but it is fucking hard and it is painful and confusing and draining mentally and physically…
EATING DISORDERS ARE DISEASES NOT DIETS OR LIFESTYLE CHOICES. CHOOSE HEALTH AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS.
"When I look at you,’ she said, ‘I see a person who’s body is wrapped in rope - almost strangled - and a mind that floats up above, analysing and judging, not really living - not connected to life. Do you see how unnatural that is, how strange that is?"
I nod but my mind is racing. What is she saying? Am I insane? Am I really that ‘different’ to the other people walking the streets?
"Don’t you want to connect your mind with your body and experience life? You will never get better if you keep starving and cutting and don’t allow yourself to experience emotion."
Yes, I want to live my life. I want to ‘get better’. I just don’t know any other way of being.
How do you know if you want to change when you don’t know what ‘better’ feels like?
See Facebook Page ‘savvy, willing & able’
In the Midst
Please make it stop.
This pain won’t go away.
It has no beginning and no end.
It has not cause, only effect.
It hurts so much and I don’t know why.
Just. Make. It. Stop.
Dangers of Paracetamol Overdoses: PLEASE READ
I hope people who are drawn to the title of this post do read it, because it is important and I don’t know how many people really understand just what overdosing on paracetamol can result in; I didn’t know and have only learned from experience - I hope this post will keep some from having to experience it.
I struggle with a number of mental illnesses including major depression and I have taken paracetamol overdoses numerous times and the really sad thing is that every time I have ended up in Emergency with an overdose there has been (at least) one other person in the short stay emergency ward with me who has also taken a paracetamol overdose. The reasons behind the overdoses for me have ranged from wanting to inflict harm upon my body to wanting to die.
FACTS: Paracetamol overdoses happen all too often and many people believe that taking a copious amount of paracetamol will kill them ‘peacefully’ in their sleep (I know I did). In fact, taking a paracetamol overdose WILL NOT send you into a deep sleep which you will ‘simply’ not wake up from. Instead, the paracetamol will either ruin your liver leading to an extremely slow, painful death, or eat away at your stomach lining - another slow and excruciating way to die. This is the truth. Paramedics, nurses and doctors all know it.
If you or someone you know has taken a paracetamol overdose, you need to go to emergency. If the levels of paracetamol in your blood are dangerously high you will be given charcoal, which (hopefully) removes the paracetamol from the liver. This is not a pleasant experience, but is better than having a failed liver or corroded stomach lining.
If you are feeling suicidal, call a SUICIDE HELP LINE - there are wonderful people who will talk to you and listen and help you through your crisis. I have learned that even though in the moment suicidal urges can be so strong that it seems there is no other option, THEY WILL PASS. All things pass.
RE-BLOG this to help stop paracetamol overdoses, which happen far more likely than anyone would like to admit.