I know…but it makes sense to me…Im sorry.
And so it turns out that I cannot live like this. I can no longer put fork to mouth and ignore the fist of guilt rising up from my gut and out of my mouth to strangle me. I can no longer pretend that my growing hips and dimpled thighs do not bother me. I can no longer tell myself that this is the best way to live and that nurturing my body is worth the blood-curdling taunting of my mind, screaming like bullies from school. I believe in recovery from anorexia for everyone…just not for me. And I know that sounds hypocritical but it makes sense to me. I am sorry but I cannot live like this any longer.